Performance, trying to get everything right. I was constantly inserting myself into the process of those struggling in an attempt to make my own suffering at least have a purpose.
I thought 💭 If I can make them feel seen and heard, understood and valued, then it would be worth all the times I was not seen, heard or understood.
I about killed myself saying “yes” when I wanted to say “no” I thought because I didn’t want anyone to ever feel the way I felt.
This performance based connection had me so busy that I had a difficult time shutting down to rest. There’s no time for rest, people are hurting! When I couldn’t help them with their perceived needs, I would spend hours reading Scripture and Praying.
I’m not saying those things are bad, but I was way out of balance and being needed and involved became my obsession. And how could it be bad? I mean, I was leading people to Jesus, attempting to disciple them and praying with them. We are told to do these things in Scripture.
But I was not doing it as led by the Spirit! I was doing it so my life and all I had suffered felt it had a purpose.
As I’ve been able to face hard truths about my Christian life, I still do many of these things but from a different mindset. I believe God has and is using it all for His purposes and glory as I daily bring it all to Him.
I am so happy to see so many different people who are basically coming to the same conclusions about authenticity and learning better ways to connect and share.
Phew, Casey. What an exhausting way to live! I’m glad you’ve found a better way. Thank you for sharing.
So many thoughts 💭
Performance, trying to get everything right. I was constantly inserting myself into the process of those struggling in an attempt to make my own suffering at least have a purpose.
I thought 💭 If I can make them feel seen and heard, understood and valued, then it would be worth all the times I was not seen, heard or understood.
I about killed myself saying “yes” when I wanted to say “no” I thought because I didn’t want anyone to ever feel the way I felt.
This performance based connection had me so busy that I had a difficult time shutting down to rest. There’s no time for rest, people are hurting! When I couldn’t help them with their perceived needs, I would spend hours reading Scripture and Praying.
I’m not saying those things are bad, but I was way out of balance and being needed and involved became my obsession. And how could it be bad? I mean, I was leading people to Jesus, attempting to disciple them and praying with them. We are told to do these things in Scripture.
But I was not doing it as led by the Spirit! I was doing it so my life and all I had suffered felt it had a purpose.
As I’ve been able to face hard truths about my Christian life, I still do many of these things but from a different mindset. I believe God has and is using it all for His purposes and glory as I daily bring it all to Him.
I am so happy to see so many different people who are basically coming to the same conclusions about authenticity and learning better ways to connect and share.
Thank you for your insight!